It’s March already. March 2nd to be exact. Ten days away from another birthday and another day closer to the grave. Yeah, not much activity on here lately. No real posts this year and not much towards the end of last year. No revival over at A Little Scary and if you follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Plurk then you know I’ve not been very active in those areas either. I’m well aware – and most of the time I’m OK – with that.
I guess my priorities changed. Having a toddler, yeah Kira is almost 16 months old now, means having a lot less free time. A lot less freedom too. If I have free time, I usually just want to relax or play a video game or maybe watch a movie. There are a hundred and one things I’d like to do but I just don’t have the time or ambition to do them all and sometimes that means I don’t do any of them. Writing is one of those things. Drawing is another. Sculpting, I finally started and will hopefully post some pictures of my first piece (in progress). Reading, playing, sorting, organizing, learning, designing… all things that don’t happen all that much.
Now I know that there are people out there who go to work full time, go to school, work out and still take care of their kids. I have the utmost respect for those people. I have no idea how they do it. I want to be like that. I just don’t know how.
I watch things like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on television and say to myself “I want to do things that impact people like that.” But I don’t have – or at least make – the time to better myself. How can I expect to make the lives of others better if I don’t even make my own life better? I don’t know.
Is this whining? I’m not sure. Is this a plea for help? I have no idea. Is it me venting and just spinning my wheels in the life I have put myself in? Yeah, probably. What do I do about it all? I don’t know.
I want the easy way out. I want to win the lottery so I can quit my job and become a philanthropist. But I don’t even buy lottery tickets but a handful of days out of the year. I guess that shows how much faith I have in the “easy way”.
It’s easier to be a “dreamer” instead of a “doer”. I’m guilty of both. What about you?
I’ve been feeling pretty unmotivated as you can tell from my lack of posts here lately. And from my lack of new comics. (OMG has it really been eight months since I posted a comic???) I haven’t posted any new drawings or any new writing. I haven’t even posted any pics of our now nine month old little girl. Three more months till her first birthday.
Damn… time flies.
Well, I need to get out of this slump and the only way I know how to do that is to start posting. It may not be earth-shattering (and honestly, when has it ever been here) or even interesting but I need to start posting. I’m always seeing things or reading things and thinking that I need to post about and vent how I feel about it. And I haven’t been. I’m not making excuses or apologies. It’s my site. *sticks tongue out*
So… to start off slow and to not overwhelm myself as I am apt to do, I am going to promise myself that I will post at least once a week going forward. I may post more often than that but I don’t plan to post less. And considering how few posts I’ve made in the past few months, that is a marked improvement.
Yeah… I can do that. It’s August 17th and only two weeks left in the month. I can post at least once more this month. No problemo.
And if I can kick my own ass into shape maybe I’ll even work on a comic or two or do a little fiction. You never know.
My clock is wrong. Wrong for my time zone. The hours are wrong. The minutes are wrong too. But which is truly wrong? I have two clocks sitting side by side. One ticking away on my desk and the other being displayed on my computer monitor: both with different times on them. But which clock is wrong? I assume the computer clock to be correct because the computer simply reads the system clock and tells me the results. The ticking clock has hands that move and a single power source of a battery that can fade and die with time. The computer is plugged in and has a battery backup for such things as system time. Because time is so very important. Time is what makes a computer work. Time is what keeps the processor churning away on all the ones and zeroes that are thrown into it. A shredder in reverse.
But how do we know the time is right? It was set at one point and since forgotten. Anyone could change the time when you walk away from your computer. The computer wouldn’t care. It’s the flow of time it cares about and not the counting of the instants that pass. The time on a computer could be any combination of hours, minutes and seconds. But not so on my ticking little clock. It’s only concern is the display of the time. But it also could be changed. Changed by hand, changed by malfunction, changed by the dying battery. Time can slow on the ticking clock. A pass of the second hand around the face counting out sixty ticks could in actuality take seventy seconds. Or the clock could be made improperly and those same 60 ticks could take a mere 56 seconds. Either thus changing the percieved and presented time without ever being the wiser. If time slowed. If time sped up. If time halted so would the computer. The ticking clock would not. Happily displaying the wrong information for all to see. It tells us with blind faith that what we see is the honest truth. It is not lying. In it’s world it is always correct.
So which is wrong? Can I verify it with an atomic clock? Sure, assuming that the clock was set right in the first place. What if the first atomic clock was set seventeen seconds fast when it was first started? Another clock setter uses the atomic clock as a reference and sets their digital clock to the same hour and minute as the atomic never realizing that the seconds were not the same. Adding their own error to the equation by not waiting for the minute to change before setting their own device. What if both my clocks are right? Is that even theoretically possible unless I were approaching light speed? Both are probably wrong. That makes the most sense but how do I check? How can I know for sure? Maybe they both lie intentionally.