Joke Day II

A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned.  She asks the clerk, “How much?”

He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”

She giggles and says “No, it’s just mustard this time.”

Joke Day

A blonde goes into a library and says, “Hello. I’m here to see the doctor.”

The librarian replies, “This is a library.”

So the blonde lowers her voice and says, “Oh sorry!” Then whispers, “I’m here to see the doctor.”

Joke Day

Two old men were sitting on a front porch just watching life pass by. Suddenly, a Great Dane walks across their front lawn. The dog stops, lays down, and begins licking itself.

The first old man says, “Boy, I sure wish I could do that.”

The other old man says, “I don’t know. If I were you, I’d try petting him first.”

Joke day

It’s been a rather crappy day so far today and I don’t feel like being creative right now. So you are stuck with a joke from the old archives today. Try to enjoy.
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A guy boards a train bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him has a deeply bruised, black eye. “Heck, what a coincidence! We both have black eyes! Mind if I ask how you got yours?”

“Well,” explains the man, “I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with beautiful breasts was behind the counter. When I asked to purchase a ticket to Pittsburgh, I accidentally blurted out ‘I’d like a picket to Tittsburgh’ and so she sucker-punched me!” The man continues, “So what’s your story?”

The other guy says, “Don’t worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. I was at the breakfast table this morning and I meant to say to my wife, ‘Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties,’ but I accidentally said, ‘You ruined my life you stupid bitch.’”

Joke day

It’s been a pretty depressing day so far today.  So I’m taking a cop out and delving into the ol’ joke database.  Enjoy.

A fire starts inside a chemical plant and the alarm goes out to fire departments for miles around. After crews have been fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $100,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!”

The crews try, but no one can get through. Then another fire truck, filled with a volunteer fire company of men over 65, comes roaring down the road and drives straight into the middle of the inferno. The other men watch unbelieving as the old timers hop off of their rig and heroically extinguish the fire, saving the secret formulas. The company president walks over to reward the volunteers.

“What do you guys plan to do with the money?” the president asks the group. The firetruck driver looks him right in the eye and answers, “The first thing we’re going to do is fix the brakes on that damn truck.”