Posts tagged: jokes

Joke Day

One day a white lady was making a chocolate cake, her 5 year old son comes around from behind her and rubs some chocolate icing on his face and says, “Look mommy – look mommy! I’m black!” His mother slaps him across the face and tells him to go tell his father what he said.

So the little boy goes to his father,rubs more chocolate on his face and says, “Look daddy – look daddy! I’m black!” The boys father gives him a beating and tells him to go tell his grandfather what he just said.

So he goes to his grandfather, and once again with chocolate on face repeats the words “Look grampa – look grampa! I’m black!” The old man whips the child’s ass with his belt and tells him to go back to his mother.

He goes back to his mother and his mother asks him, “Now, what have you learned?”

The boy answers, “I learned that I’ve been black for 5 minutes and already I hate all you white people.”

Joke Day 04/20/09

Grinning pig

A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant. He called the local vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs. The vet told him he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered “Okay,” and hung up the phone. Unclear on what the vet meant by artificial insemination, the farmer decided it must mean he had to impregnate the pigs himself, so he loaded all the pigs in his pickup and drove down to the woods and shagged them all.

The next day he called the vet again, and asked how would he know if the pigs were pregnant. The vet told him they would be lying down and rolling in the mud, but when he looked out the window not even one was lying down. So he loaded them up in his pickup again and drove them to the woods and shagged them all again.

To his dismay they were all standing the next morning. So, again he loads the pigs in his truck, drives them to the woods and shags them for the third time.

By the next morning the farmer is beat, so he asks his wife to hop out of bed and look out the window to see what the pigs are doing. She says “Well – that’s odd! They’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn”.

The ethics of joke writing

Wow, that title sounds impressive.

To be honest, which I mostly am, I do not write the jokes that get posted on this site.  Anyone who bothers to read all the crap e-mail their so-called friends and family will already know that.  I cherry pick my favorites from the billions of jokes floating about the internet.  Often I find myself editing them for spelling, grammar, formatting and sometimes content because refinement is not always a bad thing.  I mean let’s face it – not all jokes are good.  However sometimes I’ll run across an absolute crap joke that has a good idea that can be fixed.  I still don’t claim the jokes as mine when I do that, but I like to think I bring the quality up a notch or so at least.

On the other hand, the jokes at A Little Scary are mostly my own.  There have been two instances where I took a funny conversation from the now defunct inpassing.org site and adapted them into a format and relevance to fit the comic.  And as long as that old overheard conversation website stays down, I can claim those jokes as mine still.  But it also sucks because it was the original overheard conversation site on the web and it was a great source of motivation.  I mean seriously… people are really stupid sometimes.  I’m living proof.

One upcoming comic is actually an old e-mail joke adapted to fit the comic strip format of A Little Scary.  The punch line is the same, but everything else was created new for the strip.  I’d like to think that I can claim that as my own because 95.8% of the content is created by me if you count the “artwork” as well.

So if you’re still reading this post, you’re probably starting to fidget and wondering what my point is.  Well, I have to be honest: I really don’t know.  I guess the point is that you should always give credit where credit is due.  This is true in general as well as at work and in dealing with everything and anything.  If you feel you can only get ahead by taking credit for other people’s work then you really need to admit that to yourself and take a step back and decide if that’s really who you want to be.  Nobody likes a fake.  Not even other fakes.  And no matter how good you are at faking it, there’s no substitute for making something yourself, something you can be proud of and honestly feel good about with no regrets.  Nothing can top that.

In case you’re wondering, no I’m not writing this because someone has wronged me in some way.  I’m just sharing a small part of what makes me tick, so to speak.  I think it’s an important life lesson that most people have been on one side of or the other but it seems to get overlooked.  People often miss the big picture because they are either too busy trying to keep up the illusion or too busy being depressed or mad that someone took credit for their work.

No of course the zen thing for me to tell you at this point is to be the better person when you find yourself being taken advantage of in a situation like this.  That would be the proper way to handle things.  But to hell with that.  If someone takes credit for my work I get pissed.  And I start looking for ways to let everyone know it.  Of course you have to know when to pick your battles, but seriously, I don’t like that and I will let you know about it.  However, the one thing I can do add a little zen back to that is to promise I will not take credit for other people’s work.  My career is not that important nor anything else.  You know, unless like the person who should get credit is already dead… and there’s no way for it to come back to me.  I never said I was stupid or naive.  Just honest.  Mostly.

Joke Day

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. “So,” said her mother, “how was the honeymoon?”

“Mama,” she replied, “the honeymoon itself was wonderful – it was so romantic! But…”
Suddenly the young girl burst out crying. “Mama, as soon as we returned, Joe started using the most horrible language – things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home… PLEASE MAMA!”

“Sarah, Sarah,” her mother said, “calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, Mama,” wept the daughter, “I’m so embarrassed. They’re just too awful and I can’t say them! Come get me, PLEASE!!”

“Darling baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. I’m your mother – now tell me these horrible 4-letter words!”

Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama…words like: Wash, Iron, Dust, Cook…”

Joke Day

An American Indian walks into a bar. He has a shotgun in one hand and bucket of shit in the other. He says to the bartender, “Me want beer .”

The bartender says, “Sure chief, coming right up.” He gets the Indian a tall draft beer and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp.

The Indian then picks up the bucket of shit, throws it into the air and blasts it with the shotgun. Then he walks out.

Four days later the Indian returns. He has the shotgun in one hand and another bucket of shit in the other. He walks up to the bar and says to the bartender “Me want beer.”

The bartender says, “Whoa there, Tonto. We’re still cleaning up from the last time you were in here. What’s this all about anyway?”

The Indian says, “Me in training for job as State Employee. Drink beer, shoot shit, disappear for four days.”

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