It’s March already. March 2nd to be exact. Ten days away from another birthday and another day closer to the grave. Yeah, not much activity on here lately. No real posts this year and not much towards the end of last year. No revival over at A Little Scary and if you follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Plurk then you know I’ve not been very active in those areas either. I’m well aware – and most of the time I’m OK – with that.
I guess my priorities changed. Having a toddler, yeah Kira is almost 16 months old now, means having a lot less free time. A lot less freedom too. If I have free time, I usually just want to relax or play a video game or maybe watch a movie. There are a hundred and one things I’d like to do but I just don’t have the time or ambition to do them all and sometimes that means I don’t do any of them. Writing is one of those things. Drawing is another. Sculpting, I finally started and will hopefully post some pictures of my first piece (in progress). Reading, playing, sorting, organizing, learning, designing… all things that don’t happen all that much.
Now I know that there are people out there who go to work full time, go to school, work out and still take care of their kids. I have the utmost respect for those people. I have no idea how they do it. I want to be like that. I just don’t know how.
I watch things like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on television and say to myself “I want to do things that impact people like that.” But I don’t have – or at least make – the time to better myself. How can I expect to make the lives of others better if I don’t even make my own life better? I don’t know.
Is this whining? I’m not sure. Is this a plea for help? I have no idea. Is it me venting and just spinning my wheels in the life I have put myself in? Yeah, probably. What do I do about it all? I don’t know.
I want the easy way out. I want to win the lottery so I can quit my job and become a philanthropist. But I don’t even buy lottery tickets but a handful of days out of the year. I guess that shows how much faith I have in the “easy way”.
It’s easier to be a “dreamer” instead of a “doer”. I’m guilty of both. What about you?