Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Tuesday like a Monday

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

The Tuesday after a Monday holiday always feels like a Monday.  Which of course makes sense because no matter what day it really is, it’s your first day back in the office with the rest of the world and everybody is playing catch-up from the long weekend.  It’s a short week but stuff still has to be done.

This week is especially short for me though.  Not only did I have yesterday off as a holiday, I am taking Friday off as a vacation day to go on the float/camping trip.  Some vacation day that will be too.  I will have to get up before the sun even wakes up to get my kit together and drive to my friends house.  He offered to come by and pick me up but honestly that is a BAD idea.  The dogs go crazy when anyone comes around the house.  If Kira was startled awake at 5:30am by insane dog barking, I’m afraid that would mean a very long and unpleasant day for both her and Michelle.  And she thinks I don’t think about her.  Pbbpttbt….

Did you see this article?  A guy in Arizona wears animal masks to and from work every day in order to get out of paying tickets from the photo-enforcement division.  Clever I suppose.  Well, until they start staking out his house.  Hehe.  Read the article.  It’s funny.

This picture just cracks me up every single time I see it.  Ha!  I am partial to monkeys though so maybe that has something to do with it.

Video games, Venezuela and the Vatican

Monday, August 31st, 2009

Now there’s strange headline for you.  Venezuela… land of tropical beauty, drug lords, corrupt governements, rebellions, murder, more guns than Mexico City and one of the more violent places to try and take a liesurely stroll down the street on any given day.  And how did this paradise become such a haven for crime and death?  The answer is obvious: Video Games.

Yes, the long-running president of Venezuela – Hugo Chavez – is pushing through legislation to fully ban violent video games in his beloved country.  This makes sense of course.  I mean it has to be the fault of violent video games that put poor Venezuela into it’s current situation.  Just because drug cartels have been murdering each other and civilians since long before Pong was created is no reason to look at this rationally.

In addition, this new legislation would ban toy weapons.  Which is a smart economic move when you think about it.  I mean, why let your people buy cheap toy guns from China when you are building the largest machine gun factory* in all of South America in your country? Keep that money in country and sell those kids real weapons instead.  Besides, that will keep them safer on their way home from school than that old toy would have anyway.  ( * This is an older link but this still seems to be on-going.  I just can’t find any articles online.)

In related news, the Vatican is also calling for an end to all violent video games.  According to the Pope, the Crusades were not the result of theocratic greed and corruption but by early video games.  It seems that demos of Grand Theft Carriage caused quite a stir with peasants and drove the knights to slaughter.  A lesser known but more revolting game called Messenger featured a messenger who had one too many bad days at the Messenger Office and started shooting all his co-workers with a cleverly hidden crossbow.  It is said that this game was an allegory to the Muslims and how mean they were for not giving back land to the church that was never the church’s in the first place.  The rest, as they say, is history.

Telepathic requests for comment to the Pope were not returned by the time I posted this entry.

The importance of good grammar

Friday, August 28th, 2009

In an age when even Ameren UE is using TXT speak in it’s new energy efficiency billboards, it’s hard sometimes to even remember what grammar is much less what good grammar would look like.  People spend a lot of time “typing” on their phones and unless you keep up with such things, that TXT you just received from your son or daughter may look like another language or a system error instead of a message.

But grammar – and good grammar – are still important.  That’s something that I hope the kids today will still understand when they grow up texting their term papers into their robotic professors.  Writing is something that can make or break you in certain situations.  I dread the day I see a resume come across my desk written in a hybrid of 1337 and TXT.

Here’s a perfect example I just saw on Facebook.  I notice more and more often that people are skipping capitalization and punctuation in their posts.  I see the number 4 replacing “for” and the number 2 replacing “to” all the time.  But sometimes, you really have to go back and make sure what you wrote is actually what you meant.

Here’s a post from a Facebook friend taken word for word:

My good friend dave brockett was killed lastnight in a motrcycle accident. Please pray 4 his family. Ill let everyone that knew him know when the funeral is gonna be.

This is tragic, of course.  I don’t know him personally but I feel sorry for those that did.  I would have capitalized his name… but maybe I’m just being picky.  Good grammar and writing – no, but it gets the idea across properly.

Now here’s one of the comments to this same post:

let me know when he was a good friend

Where to start?  Ignore the lack of a beginning capital letter and let us jump straight to the punctuation.  Go ahead and read that again and think about what that says.  Now I am assuming that this person was not trying to be an insensitive jerk by asking “When was he a good friend?”  That would just be rude no matter how you feel about someone.

What this commenter must have meant was exactly what he wrote but without punctuation.  Here’s what it should have said:

Let me know when. He was a good friend.

Big difference, right?  That one period between when and he make all the difference in the world.  All of the sudden you go from being a well meaning sympathetic friend to a hateful asshole when that one character is left out.  Keep that in mind next time you decide to write something in a hurry.

Joke Day

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

One day a white lady was making a chocolate cake, her 5 year old son comes around from behind her and rubs some chocolate icing on his face and says, “Look mommy – look mommy! I’m black!” His mother slaps him across the face and tells him to go tell his father what he said.

So the little boy goes to his father,rubs more chocolate on his face and says, “Look daddy – look daddy! I’m black!” The boys father gives him a beating and tells him to go tell his grandfather what he just said.

So he goes to his grandfather, and once again with chocolate on face repeats the words “Look grampa – look grampa! I’m black!” The old man whips the child’s ass with his belt and tells him to go back to his mother.

He goes back to his mother and his mother asks him, “Now, what have you learned?”

The boy answers, “I learned that I’ve been black for 5 minutes and already I hate all you white people.”

Swine flu… whatever

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

Sick of hearing about Swine Flu or H1N1 already?  I know I sure am.  But that doesn’t mean it’s too early to start mocking the panicky world.  Have a look at this site for some fun Swine Flu shirts.

Thanks to Juan for the link!

Cows, gay monkeys, birds and now pigs… when will the animal kingdom stop trying to kill us off with their diseases?  Hmm… well, I suppose it’s fair after all.  Maybe they are just fighting back.  Oh if they weren’t all SO tasty!!!

Sigh.