Neglect

Is there anyone still visiting?  I wouldn’t be if I were you.  I’ve neglected everything that I didn’t absolutely have to do for a while now.  I guess a new baby will do that to you.

Obviously, I haven’t been updating here.  I haven’t been updating anywhere.  I post a little tidbit on Plurk or Twitter or Facebook now and then but really it’s no more than fluff.  Worse yet, I haven’t been updating A Little Scary at all.  It’s been over a month without a new comic.  It makes me sad.  Especially when I was doing so good for so long with staying on schedule.  My car just went 7,500 before it finally got its first oil change.

I haven’t read any of my friends blogs in months.  I’m out of touch in many ways.  I need to call people although to be fair most of my friends haven’t called me either.  I haven’t kept up on the web comics I used to read on a regular basis.  I haven’t finished any of the little projects at home.  There’s been no video game playing or drawing.

So what have I been doing?  Well, I get up a little after 6am each day and shower and get ready for work.  I eat a bowl of cereal while I feed the dogs and then I leave around 7:30am.  I’m in my office around 8:15 to 8:30am depending on traffic.  I work all day trying to figure out how to upgrade our entire e-mail system globally.  I leave between 5:25 to 5:55pm and head home.  I usually get home around 6:20pm where I hear what happened during the day.  Then I go unload my pockets and remove my overshirt and shoes.  Wash my hands – maybe poop first – and then go grab the baby for my shift with her.  I get her last feeding of the day and attempt to put her to sleep.  She’s usually in her crib around 11pm.  Then I may check my e-mail or some downloads that I’ll never realistically get to work with and then I go to bed.

Now for the past few days that schedule at night has been in a bit of flux.  Muse is trying some new things with her feedings and sleep times to try and get her to bed earlier.  But for the most part it’s been what I wrote.  Sure every once in a while we may bundle the baby up and go out to eat but that’s pretty infrequent.

I need a vacation.  I know my wife does too.  We both desperately need one.  This isn’t what I thought parenthood would be like.  Many of the problems I wrote about previously have started to subside so it is much more tolerable.  We are getting more sleep now.  But I’m still drained.  I’m still tired all the time.  We are both showing signs of depression.

I want to be creative and draw or work on my comics.  I want to play games for hours on end.  I want to see friends and go out and do things.  But I can’t.  Not really.  I could make an exception now or then but everything has a consequence.

I’m not sure what I expected parenthood to be like but it wasn’t like this.  I’m not regretting the decisions so don’t get me wrong.  And I am grateful for getting the chance to be the Daddy of a very special little girl.  But I miss being me.  Doing the things I want to do on my own schedule.  I knew our lives would change but I guess I was still being naive (screw you oomlats).

The sacrifice is worth it I suppose.  Nothing makes me happier than to see that baby girl smile at me.  That is its own reward.  I just need to figure out how to modify my life to include myself in it every now and then.

9 Comments

  • By HK Muse/Your Better Half, February 12, 2009 @ 10:27 am

    YOU are getting a week-long vacation from us in one month…be happy you get that, I am not so lucky.

  • By HK Muse/Your Better Half, February 12, 2009 @ 10:32 am

    P.S. You could get one sooner, just book our flight to CHI

  • By cybrpunk, February 12, 2009 @ 10:54 am

    Like I said: consequences.

  • By Rev Matt, February 12, 2009 @ 10:54 am

    The lack of time to do things you want does actually get better. As bundle of joy gets more self sufficient and develops the ability to entertain herself even for short periods of time it will improve. It will never again be as much as it was before, but it does become possible again. Once she starts being able to feed herself. Once she can crawl around and get to her toys herself. Those milestones will make life much easier on both of you. And you both need to get away. Muse needs to get out of the house in the evenings or for a few hours on the occasional weekend with friends or by herself as she prefers just to get some emotional space and peace. And you both need to go out to dinner or again do something on a weekend without the bundle of joy so you can have some together time.

  • By HK Muse/Your Better Half, February 12, 2009 @ 10:55 am

    What consequence are you speaking of…the one where I make a statement of fact and then offer to go away sooner?

  • By cybrpunk, February 12, 2009 @ 11:36 am

    Hehe, maybe.
    I never get to use the word consequences. I have to try and fit it in now and then….

  • By insomnic, February 12, 2009 @ 11:58 am

    Ah, the glory of RSS.

    I was just thinking earlier today that it’d been awhile but figured you were still “baby busy”; which is also why the no phone calls I’m sure – everyone assumes you are busy with baby, especially considering some of you and muse’s posts about how time consuming and tiring it is for you.

    Throw up a few more posts on twitter/facebook/etc and answer a couple emails now and then and you’ll probably feel a bit better.

  • By Tim, February 14, 2009 @ 7:03 pm

    My daughter is 5 now. When she was a baby, I also did the last feeding at night, originally to give my wife a break to sleep more. It turns out my daughter and I formed a bond so strong during those few moments. She is so much a Daddy’s girl. She lives and breathes for Daddy and still will only have Daddy tuck her in at night. I hope to nurture and continue this bond especially for that time when we need her to respect my actions/ decisions when she decides to start dating boys. When we saw our fifth month ultrasound that determined the sex of the baby and it was a girl, I admit, I was disappointed;but now, this little girl has my heartstrings all tied in knots around her little fingers.She’s quite the little artist ( takes after her Dad), and she makes most of her drawings/ paintings for Daddy. Yes, your life is never going to be the same and any sacrifice you may make now will seem so trivial in the years to come. Your relationship with your daughter will be the most valuable thing in your life, bar none.

  • By tiggerprr, February 17, 2009 @ 9:25 am

    Yes, parenting can be tiring…and it morphs into something else as insomnic says… you’ll find yourself missing this time sooner than you think. Personally, I would, if I could, go back in time to the time you’re experiencing now vs. the worry I have over Ashlyn and how she is now at 19.

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