A couple walks into a doctor’s office…

Muse accompanied me to the doctor’s office this afternoon to see if they would agree about the creatures that may be living in my bowels.  This has been a kind of on-going thing since coming back from Kuala Lumpur so we told the doc-of-the-day (you get a new doc each time you go) that this was a follow-up to my last visit at the end of February.  The doc pulled up my records and said “You mean in December?” because that was the last record he had in the computer for me.  Huh?

We visited with the doc for about 15 minutes in his office.  Ten of those minutes was spent by him trying 86 different ways of pulling up my last visit that seems to have disappeared from their system.  We even had to make sure he understood that, no my name is not Hendryk Wagner and I’m not 42 years old so that can’t be me under a different name.  Grrr….

So basically it boils down to the fact that he can’t tell us anything until he gets to play with my poop.  Well, he’s the doctor, so he probably has someone else play with the poop and then just kind of give him the general summary of the poop and the playtime.  Doctor’s are just like that.

So he pulls out this tiny clear vial with a blue stopper that has the cutest little shovel tip attached on a wand dangling from said blue stopper.  He said the poop went in there.  I wanted to tell him that I was American and that I’m a big guy and everything about me is big: including my poop.  There was no way that my poop was going to be worked over by a tiny spade smaller than most bubble-blower-wands and it certainly wasn’t going to fit in that little clear tube.  That’s what I wanted to say, but the Chinese don’t tend to have the same sense of humor as me and I thought it would probably just confuse the issue and send him into searching his database for my lost records one more time.  Which he did anyway.

However, he must have seen the expression of surpressed humor on my face and told me that he only needed enough poop to cover the little blue scoop.  So now, not only do I have to go bobbing for poop in our toilet, but I have to dissect it into a small enough piece to fit this vial.  Those of you who know me in real life know that being in a bathroom for longer than necessary after I drop the kids off at the pool know that this is generally regarded as a biohazard situation.  Add to this that I’ll probably end up puking as I play play-doh fun factory in the toilet and this does not sound like a good path to recovery.

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4 Responses to “A couple walks into a doctor’s office…”

  1. Jason says:

    Ewwwww. Our son had a really bad (super stinky) stomach ailment when he was about one. I had to take samples from his diaper. It was gross. But big people poop has to be worse. Good luck with that.

  2. Insomnic says:

    Just think of this as practice before you have kids of your own. From what I understand (and Jason seems to confirm this).. parents are intimately involved with their kids poop.

    Could be worse … you could have to clean out the sluice from the pig corral in mid-august.

  3. yoshi says:

    Sounds like so much fun. Hey at least he didn’t insist on sticking stuff up your ass. Because I’d rather fish for poop than have things being stuck up there.

  4. tiggeprrr says:

    I hate to tell you how much Ken was LOL IRL at this post… Dropping the kids off at the pool will never be the same…

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