I hate Blackberrys

I hate Blackberrys. Not the fruit but the more popular psuedo-pager Blackberry that most people assume work by way of magic. Which they do kind of. They also seem to stop working as if by magic as well. Perhaps it’s more like voodoo. The only thing for sure is that business people love them and can’t live without them. And when they don’t work they want us tech people to wave our magic wand and make it better in 10 seconds or less.

For those of you that don’t have to support Blackberrys, here’s how we troubleshoot them when they stop working:

  1. Check to make sure that the radio is still turned on. So often it gets turned off for mysterious and dark reasons.
  2. Make sure it shows that it has a signal and sees the network.
  3. Realize that Step 2 was absolute rubbish (because that means nothing) and pop the battery out to truly power off the device.
  4. Put the battery back in and start chanting praises to the lesser demons of wireless. They sometimes enjoy that.
  5. Sit and stare at that stupid hourglass till it finishes booting up. Continue with the chanting or begin the ritual dance as described in Blackberry tech support article FU666BS86.
  6. Check to see if mail is being sent and received. Most of the time, it will be fixed and no matter how many times you tell the user that simply removing the battery (with ot without the chanting and dance) is well within their means.
  7. If it’s still not working, curse the lesser demons of wireless and try manually setting the Network Provider. You know, just in case.
  8. If the user is standing over your shoulder, you may want to poke about in the Advanced options as quickly as possible with a stern yet determined look upon your face until they decide they have better things to do.
  9. Mumble to them that you’ll get back to them. They like that.
  10. Remove the Blackberry account from the Blackberry Enterprise Server. Because you’re using that, right? If not, you are a mockery to all the other Blackberry support people. And also a bit of an envy to us too. We hate you either way.
  11. Add the Blackberry back onto the server and get a new activation password. If you are doing this for someone else, make sure you make the most difficult password you can possibly imagine. Especially if the Blackberry is saddled with one of those crappy T9 inputs.
  12. Wipe the Blackberry. This isn’t always necessary BUT it seems to work better sometimes. Magic.
  13. Go through the Enterprise Activation one more time and enjoy the thrill of clicking Next on meaningless screens of crap you’ve seen a hundred times before.
  14. Enter the e-mail address and password and then take up a new hobby. Model plane building, learn the guitar, paint your office followed by the rest of the offices in the building, blog posting, etc. Whatever you do, and this is crucial, DO NOT sit there and wait for that activation to complete while you sit there and watch. You have a better chance of curing a person of leprosy by licking their wounds than you do of outlasting this painfully long process. This is where the lesser demons perform their activation rituals and they are shy. And evil. Do not mess with them at this point.
  15. When you get back from vacation, check the Blackberry and see if activation is complete and then see if it’s working. If so, yay! If not, quit your job and become a firefighter or a bomb defuser or a journalist in the Middle East. Because that would be easier than trying to figure out what exactly is the issue.

As you might have guessed, there’s been a few Blackberry issues here lately. They come in groups it seems. Nothing for weeks and then four or five of them will flake out at the same time. Very rarely do you ever see one go bad on it’s own. They just don’t have the ambition or self-confidence to do anything on their own. They live and work in a pack mentality. You just have to learn to deal with that.

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categories Business, Technology | | datetime February 22, 2008 5:10 pm

4 Comments

  • By Katie, February 22, 2008 @ 11:31 pm

    I love my Blackberry… but I think if I had to use it for work, I would hate it. I do agree though, when it stops working for any reason, it sucks. I’ve never seen a phone that takes SO LONG to boot back up after you take the battery out. Lord. But my Pearl, it’s so cute and little and I can read all my email, and do Google Maps (cause I am always lost) and check my Flickr and my blog, and and and…….

    Also, it’s the only cool phone T-Mobile offers haha. I’m totally getting a Rumr or Voyager in November when I switch to Verizon.

  • By Jason, February 23, 2008 @ 12:24 am

    I have a love-hate relationship with my Blackberry Pearl. I love the features, but hate the fact that I loose my data signal often.

  • By Insomnic, February 23, 2008 @ 3:59 pm

    I love my blackberry. I do hate when people expect them to work “like magic”. Mine has been pretty reliable but I also know how not to break it. Supporting crackberry users though is completely different from having a personal one.

    I run into weird issues but since I can fix ‘em (I know the oddities) it isn’t really an issue for me.

    Plus – blackberryforums.com is the bomb for anything blackberry related.

  • By Livingdead, February 23, 2008 @ 6:17 pm

    This update is loaded with awesome. Kudos, good sir.

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