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Computer Upgrade

I like my computer but it’s starting to really show it’s age.  I seriously need to upgrade my computer.  Well, OK maybe not “need” in the traditional sense.  It’s more of a geek thing.  Let me try and put it in perspective for you.  Well, if you’re a guy and you read the first two sentences then you probably already understand completely.  So let me put it in perspective for the ladies out there.  You know who you are.

Computer upgrades are actually easy to understand to women if worded the right way.  You see computers are outdated the day after you buy them.  That is always going to be the case and we know this and accept it.  But the usual lifespan of a computer depends on the use.  For business purposes, that’s about four to five years.  For the older crew that use it to check e-mail and play Minesweeper and Solitaire the life span of the PC is probably longer than the users.  But for gamers… we have it especially hard.  To stay at the top of your game you need to upgrade every year.  HOWEVER, this is not financially feasible because we also have to spend our money on games we may or may not get around to playing.  So the realistic life span is around three years.  This three year mark isn’t something you have to keep track of either.  We just know.

Women have what they like to call a biological clock that tells them when they need to start popping out babies to circumvent the end of the world and civilization as we know it.  It’s that important and they just know when this is.  They have the innate ability or instinct that keeps them informed of this schedule at all times.  This is exactly the same for gamers.

As a gamer, that clock starts ticking at about the one year mark as you notice the newest games are being displayed on hardware that’s just a notch or so above your own.  It’s not bad though because you can control the situation and tell yourself that your only one revision behind.  You can still play these new games, just not at the ideal frame rates.  You can deal with that.  And we do.  Then the ticking starts getting louder after two years when even better games come out using new technology that your video card can’t support.  This is also about the time your beloved PC starts making some new noises.  Perhaps a fan is wearing out or cable shifts and starts lightly vibrating against metal.  But you can still play the games.  They won’t look like the screenshots, but you know it’s still good enough for now.

At the third year mark that internal clock is pounding in your heart and mind.  You know as you put down the newest issue of your favorite games magazine that your gamer cred is in serious jeapordy and you can no longer compete with the new crowd.  Your rig which was top-of-the-line only a few short years ago is something no one but a grandma checking e-mail would be caught using.  When other gamers ask you about your stats in the newest shooter, you have to change the subject quick, or admit that you can’t play the game because you only have a single core CPU.  This is usually best done by bringing up old war stories involving Duke Nukem or Counter Strike (pre-Source of course).   The embarrasment multiplied by that ticking ticking is more than we can handle.

So you can see that we are very much alike, gamers and women.  You need a baby.  We need a baby.  Yours gets made by fun activities that includes lots of grunting, sweating and cursing where ours gets created with lots of grunting, sweating and cursing.  OK maybe that’s not exactly right but you get the idea.  And when you know it’s that time…  it’s that time.  And brother let me tell you…  it’s way past time for me.